I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
please come you make the beer taste better
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
