More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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