idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im holly from the hills drunk
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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