You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
