so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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