omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
