don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
