You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
