direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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