I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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