He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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