I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
