I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
