I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
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