when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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