He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
FUCK WHALES
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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