I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
