on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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