Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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