I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
