i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
