There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
