i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
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