Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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