Don't make out with my wife yet
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
