God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
