Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
