I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She even gives head with a lisp.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
