Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
