I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
