Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
