i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize