hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
