those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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