Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
