so let's talk penis.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
