I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
