I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
