If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
