Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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