So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
