Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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