i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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