Someone shit on the floor
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
