I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I need a beard to bite.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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