OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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