I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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