do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
