There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
