I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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