Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This house was built for laser tag.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Randomize
