I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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