If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
