Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
