I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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