I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
