Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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