You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
