Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
