We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
MIDGETS
????
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
