just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
