dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
