If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
