Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
