Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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