There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
