is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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