it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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