when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
