and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize