Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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