so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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