well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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