Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
