glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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