I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
