An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
