i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
