If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
