i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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