I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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