last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
smell my finger.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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