No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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