The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
