Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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