Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
