oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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