if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
